NFL Report Cards Weeks 7-9


NFC North 

  • Packers: The Packers are both surprisingly and unsurprisingly terrible. Aaron Rodgers continues to choke in big moments, and the horrid play calling, as well as a slew of injuries, are starting to rear their ugly heads. D+
  • Vikings: The Vikings are actually a solid team, for the first time in years. The Cousins Curse, which states that any team that loses to Kirk Cousins in the regular season will not win the Super Bowl [Ed. Note from Week 10—welp], will help the now 7-1 Vikings come playoff time, which is only getting closer with the Vikings continuing to dominate. A+
  • Bears: There really isn’t a whole lot to say about the Bears. They’re just terrible. Justin Fields seems to be on the upside, but he is still a work in progress, and the lackluster roster around him will not help with his development as a player. C+
  • Lions: The Kings of the Motor City Jungle are the same as in years past. A combination of heartbreaking losses and blowout losses mixed in with occasional wins over dominant teams has been the standard for a while now, and this season is no exception. But hey, on the bright side, the Lions will have a top-10, maybe even top-5 draft pick, which could be used on a star player like Hendon Hooker, Kelee Ringo or Bryan Breese. C+

BryNFC East

  • Giants: The Giants are actually not bad. Despite their occasional losses, both of which were in horrible fashion, the G-Men are scary. Brian Daboll continues to make his case for coach of the year. However, a lackluster receiving corps could hold the team back later in the year. A+
  • Eagles: The Eagles remain the only undefeated team in the league after eight weeks. A high-powered offense led by Jalen Hurts and AJ Brown is easily one of, if not the best in the league. The defense is solid, and the Eagles look set to be a title contender for at least half a decade. A+
  • Commanders: The Commanders are known for a quarterback carousel, and this season is no exception. Carson Wentz is already hurt, but his replacement Taylor Heinicke is actually decent. However, we all know that this team won’t be making any noise this year. C-
  • Cowboys: Dak Prescott has returned and the Cowboys are now on the upside. But when you consider that the competition they’ve played against with Dak under center includes the Lions and Bears, it seems less impressive. The Cowboys will lose in the wild card round, if they even make the playoffs at all, but hopefully for their fans, the Lakers will have turned things around by then. B+

NFC South

  • Panthers: Christian McCaffrey is now gone, signalling the start of a rebuild in Carolina. Yet the Panthers are decent without Run-CMC carrying the ball. [Ed. Note—undefeated Houston Roughnecks legend] PJ Walker is a solid QB, and could keep the team above water until April when the Panthers use a top-10 draft pick on an elite QB prospect like CJ Stroud, Hendon Hooker or Will Levis. C
  • Falcons: The Falcons are surprisingly decent. Marcus Mariota’s play goes up and down, but the rise of Drake London signals a bright future in Atlanta. A few high draft picks could mean that the return to greatness could be coming sooner than expected. C
  • Saints: The end of the Brees-Payton era has ushered in a continued a set of struggles in the Big Easy. Jameis Winston is injured, leaving the starting role to a washed-up Andy Dalton. A slew of injuries does not help, and the Saints look set to take the crown for the worst team in the division. D+
  • Buccaneers: The Buccaneers have remained decent, albeit not great. Sitting at 4-5 after winning the Lombardi Trophy two years ago should be concerning. The Bucs have a solid roster, but just aren’t getting it done against good opponents. Could the Brady era in the NFL finally be over? We’ll just have to wait and see. C+

NFC West

  • Cardinals: The Cardinals are mediocre. They could still make the playoffs, but their next few games are must wins, and the team’s limitations on both sides of the ball could come back to haunt them. C-
  • Rams: The Rams need to start winning big games if they want a chance at the Super Bowl, but at this point, snagging a playoff spot is still in the balance. Matt Stafford continues to gaffe in big moments, but the team itself is solid, and could come through to save the season. B-
  • 49ers: There really isn’t a whole lot to say about the Niners. The roster is solid, except for the quarterback position, and they could theoretically steal a playoff spot, but a status as a title contender is a few years away. C-
  • Seahawks: The Seahawks shock people week after week. Geno Smith is playing at a borderline elite level, and the team looks better than during certain parts of the Russell Wilson era. The Seahawks will continue to surprise people, possibly even in the playoffs.  A

AFC North

  • Bengals: The Bengals are going to be reminiscing over their trip to the Super Bowl last year, mainly because they won’t be going back to it anytime soon. An injury to Ja’Marr Chase limits the team’s potential, as does the offensive line. The Bengals could still win the division, but a run to the big game is out of the question. D+
  • Browns: Much like the Niners, the Browns are not terrible, but they certainly are not great by any means. Nick Chubb and Myles Garrett remain elite, but the rest of the team has some improving to do. C+
  • Steelers: The Steelers are clearly not as strong as steel. The team is full of questions about the ability of Kenny “Kitten Mittens” Pickett to lead the team to victory, and questions about the rest of the team’s ability to help him do that. The Steelers are limited, but the future is bright; it just definitely won’t be the case this year. B
  • Ravens: The Ravens’ mediocre record does not do justice to how good this team is. Lamar Jackson and Mark Andrews are one of the best duos in the league, and the defense is solid. However, an injury to Rashod Bateman will sideline him for the remainder of the year, which could end up causing the team to fall short. A-

AFC East

  • Bills: The Bills are starting to flutter. While they remain one of the best teams in the league, a loss to the Jets will certainly lower the morale of the team, which could lead to problems later in the year. A+
  • Patriots: The Patriots are the NPCs of the NFL. They squeak out decent wins, and suffer from horrid losses. A quarterback controversy could also be upon them, and on a side note, the Tom Brady-resembling logo should be replaced by Pat Patriot. Long story short, the Patriots are mid. Nothing but mid. C
  • Jets: The Jets sit at 6-3. They are legit. The world needs to be made aware that the Jets are no longer the bottom of the barrel. B+
  • Dolphins: The Dolphins? Also legit. Tyreek Hill and Jaylen Waddle are proving to be one of the best duos in the league this year, and the breakout season of Tua, despite his injuries, continues to gets the Dolphins’ hopes up for the future. B+

AFC South

  • Colts: The Colts are, quite literally, terrible. Matt Ryan was benched in favor of something named “Sam Ehlinger,” who had a 45.6 passer rating in his first career start. Jonathan Taylor has regressed, and the lackluster receiving group is starting to show its limits. D
  • Titans: The Titans have become one of the most irrelevant teams in the league. Derrick Henry has started to bounce back, but the mediocre WR room showed its limits against the Chiefs, and the Malik Willis experiment is clearly still a work in progress. D
  • Jaguars: The Jaguars have sort of started to turn things around. Despite their putrid-as-always record, Trevor Lawrence looks more comfortable throwing the ball downfield, and the defense is starting to take shape around Josh Allen. C+
  • Texans: The Davis Mills era in Houston is going to end at the end of this season. He struggles mightily, and his somewhat decent set of offensive weapons like Dameon Pierce, Brandin Cooks and Nico Collins are starting to lose some of their stuff because of Mills’ struggles. C

AFC West

  • Chiefs: The Chiefs, despite losing Tyreek Hill in the offseason, remain elite. Patrick Mahomes is still electric as always, and the revamped receiver group is playing at a borderline elite level. The Chiefs remain a playoff contender, and will most likely take home to division crown yet again. B+
  • Broncos: Broncos Country might be finally starting to come around. The must-win game against Jacksonville was successful, but the next few games are against good opponents, and the Broncos season could be over just as we know it. B+
  • Raiders: The Raiders sit at 2-6, and remain one of the worst teams in the league. Derek Carr’s time could be up; the anticipated duo of Davante Adams and Hunter Renfrow has been overall bad; and the Raiders look set to have an early pick in the upcoming draft. D
  • Chargers: The Chargers are finally starting to take the form that we all expected. They’ve started to become consistent with their play style, and Justin Herbert is living up to expectations. However, the Chargers still are a long shot to make any noise in the playoffs.  B+