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<em>Smile</em> Made Me Smile

Ethan Weiss, Cheshire Cat | October 31, 2022

Like in my last review, Smile is a horror movie, there are very graphic killings and a lot of suicides in this movie. If these things make you uncomfortable please feel free to skip this one. I WILL NOT SPOIL ANYTHING IMPORTANT IN THIS MOVIE. A lot of people brought up this Smile movie to me, and said it looked cheesy and dumb—but the reviews were pretty high, so I figured why not go see it? My...

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Vampires on Bluff Street: <em>Salem’s Lot</em>

Thomas LaFay, Recently Moved to Derry, Maine | October 30, 2022

For me, the fear started with a hissing, grunting, snaggletoothed vampire. Based on Stephen King's 1975 horror novel, which he’d written in the laundry room of a rented trailer, the story follows a young writer named Ben Mears who returns to the town of Jerusalem's Lot in Maine, where he lived in his childhood, only to discover that the citizens are becoming vampires. Combining the elements...

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NFL Report Cards Weeks 7-9

Evan Tomcik, Football Knower | November 13, 2022

NFC North  Packers: The Packers are both surprisingly and unsurprisingly terrible. Aaron Rodgers continues to choke in big moments, and the horrid play calling, as well as a slew of injuries, are starting to rear their ugly heads. D+ Vikings: The Vikings are actually a solid team, for the first time in years. The Cousins Curse, which states that any team that loses to Kirk Cousins in the regular...

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Why Do the Lakers Suck Now?

Muhammad Ahmed, Triple-Double Merchant | November 13, 2022

What's the problem? From one of the most storied franchises in NBA history to the goats (note the lowercase) of the 2022-23 NBA season, the Lakers have truly done it all. Many fans of the Lakers have been disappointed with their 2020s era and how they have steadily declined in performance. During the game versus the Denver Nuggets, the Lakers won 146-141 going into final OT—and yes, the Nuggets...

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The Rise, Fall, and Possible Rebirth of <em>Hypixel Skyblock</em>

Marcel Coney, Unofficial Bug Tester | November 30, 2022

Hypixel Skyblock is an MMORPG released on June 11th, 2019, when Minecraft's popularity was on the rise and many players were returning because of the controversial Fortnite update. This gave them a unique game to start after a few years of games copying each other. The game is simple at face value: make new items, talk to NPCs, level up different skills such as combat and mining, and complete new...

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Warfare, of the Modern Type

Izzy Wortman, Plot Twist Non-Survivor | November 13, 2022

Everyone who has a life has heard of Call of Duty, and after last year's Vanguard was so poorly received, the premier military FPS series is coming back better than ever with a sequel to their 2019 hit Modern Warfare, or more specifically, a remake of the original Modern Warfare series. This title is packed with new mechanics, guns, killstreaks, and characters. If you were a fan of the OG games, then...

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Theological-Style Proof of a Quesadilla

Charles Sutton, Dealing Out Cases of Truth | December 16, 2021

The following statements are proofs meant to convince the reader that quesadillas are in fact the greatest food, ever. These proofs are in the style of Saint Thomas InstituteonDeweyAvenue's proofs of the existence of God. This is not, in any way, a direct comparison of quesadillas to God. It is merely a sign of reverence and respect to the "lord" of all foods: quesadillas. Surface Area The tortilla...

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Life-Saving Candy Review for Halloween Enjoyment

Charles Sutton, He's Mr. Sweets Miser | November 8, 2021

In the course of American childhood, one may come across a certain odd tradition called "trick or treating." If you're not familiar, it goes like this: on the last night of every October, kids approach their neighbor's houses and ask for candy. Most of the time, their neighbors comply. They stock up on candy a few days before, eat said candy, and sometimes, go back to the store for more candy on the...

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Summer “Vacation”

Liam Clark, Recovering Reprobate | September 29, 2022

As I roam and traverse this empty hall, I start wondering if it's the same at all As the raucous building that I used to hear Throughout all the days of yesteryear. Here I am, though I should really be free; This is basically an educational tyranny. Learning my lessons all over again? If this is for real, I might go insane. I'm at the room now, though I'd rather hide From the ultimate...

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A Poem

Bobby McCann, Swift in his Death-Dealing | February 11, 2021

I left you, mother, at such a young age, and turned to sadness and sorrow and rage. The Danes had family and friendship alike, and they tasted better than sheep and the like.   They would fruitlessly run right away, whenever I opened the hall to light from the day. Then I began coming at night, leaving them with quite a blight.   Never would I be normal like them, they...

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Is Johnny Cash Separable From The Country Music Genre?

Charles Sutton, Unresolved Cynic | November 13, 2022

I have a friend who plays guitar, and he has a benign prejudice that stems from the old idea that you can only serve one master. He classifies people into two distinct groups: those who like The Beatles and those who like The Rolling Stones. One may say that the distinction between the groups is subtle and minuscule. However, there is an enormous difference between the two: They are as different as...

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Polos and Backpacks: Kanye and <em>The College Dropout</em>

Matei Jucan, Ballerific Like It's Terrific | November 16, 2021

Kanye West. Where to even begin? He’s arguably the most renowned rapper of the 21st century rap. Everyone knows who Kanye is, especially since his fame reaches far beyond his music. He’s been involved in multiple controversies, designed one of the biggest shoe lines in the world, and until recently was married to Kim Kardashian. While many associate Ye with fame and riches, he wasn’t always...

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Lasik: Overpriced or Worth It?

Marcel Coney, Rift of the Oculus | September 29, 2022

For those of you that have 20/20 vision, I resent you for being so perfect. Living life with glasses is a very different experience than being able to read what's rather close to you, and that's coming directly from someone who has had glasses for at least seven years now. Sometimes you can't see the board, sometimes you can't tell who someone is, sometimes you can't even find your glasses in the morning,...

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Shieldle: An Undiluted Commentary on Today’s Culture

Charles Sutton, Unresolved Cynic | September 29, 2022

It was no longer the Red vs. Blue divide; it was what word you start ed with in Wordle. No longer was it rich and poor; it was those who got the Wordle in four guesses and those who got it in six (Sixers).

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On Artificial Intelligence and GPT 3

Daniel Dancuta, General Purveyor of Truths | November 13, 2022

What is intelligence? One definition of intelligence is the capacity to acquire and apply knowledge. This definition is important because it emphasizes the practical aspect of intelligence – the ability to use knowledge in a way that is beneficial. Another definition of intelligence is the ability to think abstractly. This definition is significant because it emphasizes the cognitive aspect of intelligence...

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A Historical Reflection on Terrorism

Bobby McCann, Genealogist | October 30, 2022

History has proven its stubborn indispensability to me when I think about problems. How exactly should I articulate them, especially if they lack easy definition? How should I come up not even with solutions, but places to start considering problems? Throughout this essay, I will argue for the primacy of the genealogical approach to problems in history, and why it exposes "sites" that are of the utmost...

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