STEM: Thomas Stone

Upon discovery of the M Deception—as the Shield staff eventually nicknamed the note we received—I set about trying to discover what M really stands for. I began to investigate international affairs, hoping for some pattern to illuminate my thoughts. I spent many months looking blankly at article after article, and then I had my revelation. It was staring at me the entire time. Mueller. Special Prosecutor of the United States, appointed to investigate possible collusion between the Trump campaign and Russia. Coincidence? At the same time the probe was going on, another notable event was happening: the STEM Center was under construction. Could this M in “STEM,” which shows up at the same time Mueller’s probe begins, be a coincidence? Most certainly not. It soon occurred to me, however, that the Mueller probe being connected to the STEM Center is a bit silly of an idea. I mean, why would Mueller use the STEM Center? There was still something nagging me.

What about BASH? BASH took place at the same time the Mueller report was submitted. This inspired me to continue seeking links, and I discovered May. Yes, as in Prime Minister May, who led the Brexit effort during the construction of the STEM Center. I mean, really, two prominent global figures whose names start with M, during what was apparently a crisis about the meaning of an M? What are the chances? (Quite good, I hear, by the by.)

Perhaps you are saying at this point, “Ah, but there is absolutely no correlation between the three.” That leads exactly into my next point. A contact of mine, who has frequent meetings with various administrators at McQuaid Jesuit hinted at it with the statement “Correlation does not mean causation.” Confused? It is simple. If this is true, then non-causation is correlation, or, put another way, correlation is the antithesis of causation, which means that the lack of correlation must mean the presence of causation. It is really quite elementary, and I am sure that is what he meant. Thus, the lack of correlation is actually proof that this is all related.

At this point I became obsessed. I spent many long nights poring over information, and in fact abandoned my research as Moralexicographer to look into this mystery; yet, there were still a few questions left unanswered. How could this have been accomplished? Why? Where was the proof? I must admit that it does seem a bit ridiculous at first, but that only fueled my conviction. I realized that someone, or some organization, was hiding all the relevant information. It was the only logical reason for the lack of proof and motive. However, the light of truth was still there, and I resolved to look for it.

Then I finally discovered something. This conspiracy went straight to the top, and I do not mean the president of the school, or even the president of this nation, but rather the Secretary General of the United Nations. I have suspected him for years to be utilizing an underground movement to make himself ruler of the earth. (Perhaps “STEM” should stand for “Secrecy, Treason, Exploitation, and Manipulation.”) Yet, in the moment of my triumph, a chill ran down my spine, The Secretary General’s name is António Guterres; why would he be involved in a conspiracy dealing with entirely Ms? Does this mean they were controlling him? I researched every M conspiracy. And then I discovered it. There is one ruler in the history of the Earth more M-ish than all the other. The Medieval Moneyed Malian Monarch Mansa Musa. It all became clear to me. I thought it was an urban legend. Well, that is an exaggeration; I really just thought it was a bad pun. But, nevertheless, I should report that there was apparently a secret organization, whose original name roughly translates to the “Major Organization for Nefarious Evil and Yams” or MONEY. (I actually hear the Yams division is the most terrifying), founded by Mansa Musa.

Now, I have been writing at a breakneck pace, and have used several narrative jumps in logic. Forgive me, but this is an exposé of the STEM Center, not of political corruption; I simply wanted to establish the basic steps I took to discover MONEY. My suspicions were further confirmed by talking to a trusted source, who distinctly told me there was a conspiracy afoot. Due to my source’s run-ins with MONEY, he wished to remain anonymous.

When I first went to see him, I was struck by his appearance. He was definitely not tall; his haircut was almost military. His strange beard and mustache were offset by his semi-formal clothing and his somber sunglasses. The following interview ensued: to maintain my source’s anonymity, I shall refer to him as “Corales.”

TS: You said you know about the organization I am looking for.

C: Yeah, you could say that…

TS: So. The organization?

C: You found out about Mansa Musa?

TS: Well, he has a pretty M-ish name. Seemed very suspicious.

C: When he died, he secreted away half his fortune to fund an organization to maintain the Malian Empire in perpetuity. Obviously, they did not succeed as well as they had intended.

TS: That’s sort of mean.

C: Mean? MEAN? What do you know of mean. Do you know the innermost average, do you know the length of cruelty there is in the human soul? Have you ever looked the average in its eyes and fully comprehended its brutality? No. No one knows. Except them.

TS: Yes, but who are “they?”

C: After about a century of mediocrity, the Malian organization rebranded. If they could not rule the Earth, they would destroy it. Then they took on their new name. I don’t know what it is in the original, but in English, it’s called MONEY.

TS: [gasp] As in the Major Organization for Nefarious Evil and Yams?

C: Yes. Our evil nemesis.

TS: So you believe they are manipulating the UN?

C: Believe it? I know it! I used to work for MONEY. I was a yam man. It was too much, though. I broke too many hearts, and ate too many pies. There is a lot of evil in yams, you know. So much life has been spent because of them.

This was the confirmation I needed. Now I knew how it was all organized, but why did they need the STEM Center? I had a conversion with a man; mind you, not The Man, but a man, a man who I knew would know the inside scoop. And he knew, oh, he knew everything. He told me about who was who at McQuaid, and on his advice, and with his help, I investigated BASH. This prestigious event claimed to “Build A Scholastic Heritage,” but does it really build anything? I mean, it does a lot of good, but a scholastic heritage is not a building.

After careful analysis of how the STEM Center was used during BASH, I realized the truth. The STEM Center was a secret communication outpost for MONEY—well, I suppose all of their offices are secret. It was built by people who most certainly had connections to MONEY, whether they knew it or not. For MONEY is an omni-conspiracy. All conspiracies are simply deceptions made by MONEY to rule over the world. Perhaps you have heard of the old adage “MONEY is the root of all evil,” or perhaps the old standby “We’re in the MONEY.” Yes, MONEY rules through many fingers, some operating without knowing it.

For example, perhaps you think the pyramid on the one-dollar bill is because of the Illuminati; this is incorrect, because it has three-dimensional perspective, and it’s not one triangle that makes up the pyramid, but two. And two triangles make an M, which has a third triangle where the infamous eye is located. (It looks bad, right? Like it was done on MS Paint.)

The organization uses the UN, with a capital N, which rhymes with M, which stands for MONEY. And the STEM Center was one of their major fronts. Ah, is this the jingling of keys in my pocket or the jangling of words in my head? I have no keys! I am losing my mind, but till my sanity breathes its last I will preach the truth. MONEY friends, MONEY—has ordained all my agonies—these, my pains on pains! But the hand that blinded my sanity was mine, mine alone—no one else—I did it all myself! What good is sanity to me? Nothing I see can bring me joy.  BUT I WILL NOT FEAR THE NIGHT! THE TRUTH MUST BE SAID! THE BATTLE HAS JUST BEGUN! We can not stand still! We must stand up. I do not think Mueller, or May, are evil, but they are unwitting agents of MONEY, which WILL make their efforts paltry. For in the time I have taken writing this article, I have seen too many things to forget. At long last, I understand the hopeful proclamation I once heard: “in twenty years there will be no MONEY.” But I am not so hopeful; I hope only that this exposé will inspire my colleagues AND BRING AN END TO THE CORRUPTION. FOR I GAZE UPON THE EARTH AND SEE CHAOS, I LOOK OUT AND I SEE EVIL. AND I WILL NOT REST, TILL THE CORRUPTION IS DESTROYED.

Of course, it really could just stand for math. I mean, all the classes there involve math.