Life-Saving Candy Review for Halloween Enjoyment

In the course of American childhood, one may come across a certain odd tradition called “trick or treating.”

If you’re not familiar, it goes like this: on the last night of every October, kids approach their neighbor’s houses and ask for candy. Most of the time, their neighbors comply. They stock up on candy a few days before, eat said candy, and sometimes, go back to the store for more candy on the day of, in many different brands, sizes, and flavors; among them you may find Three Musketeers, Milky Way, Snickers, Twix, Kit-Kat, Reese’s, M&Ms and Crunch. Today, I intend to analyze why they are popular.

Let’s start with what seems like the most basic: Three Musketeers, which consists of chocolate mouse wrapped in chocolate. Basic, as I said, but it is easy to find joy in its simplicity. It doesn’t try to be anything fancy. It doesn’t claim to “cure hunger” (like Snickers) or live by a snappy catchphrase like “give me a break” (Kit-Kats), and that’s what makes it appealing. Three Musketeers may not be as tasty as some other candies, but it still provides the trick-or-treater with the sugar rush that they desire.

Next: the Milky Way. The Milky Way is simply a Three Musketeers with caramel on top of the chocolate mouse. Some people would debate that the addition of caramel to anything as plain as a Three Musketeers is a huge improvement, but I disagree. Caramel makes things chewy. Many kids who go trick-or-treating likely have braces, and anyone who has braces has been told by their orthodontist and their parents to stay away from chewy foods. Thus, it doesn’t make sense to add caramel to a candy bar that his marketed toward young children. Then there’s the taste of caramel. [Ed. Note—oh, now it’s on.] People everywhere love the taste of caramel . . . but I am bothered by it. It is too fake and sugary, and I actively avoid most candies with caramel in them.

Logically, what follows is the Snickers bar. It is simply a Milky Way with nuts. Many consider it the best candy bar; few would turn one down. Despite the presence of caramel, I actually like Snickers. The nuts are a major bonus, adding crunch, flavor, and variety that you don’t see with other candy bars. However, I would never go so far as to say that Snickers are “the cure for hunger.” Mars, Inc.’s claim that this candy bar can quench someone’s desire for sustenance and satisfy their hunger feels like false advertising, and they could be sued for millions of dollars. Hunger aside, it’s a great candy and worthy of most of the praise it gets, and I am not disappointed when I pull it out of my trick-or-treating bag.

Twix is a candy bar consisting of a crunchy biscuit topped with caramel and chocolate. It is really quite crunchy and chewy, but it is marketed towards young kids, who likely have braces. I, however, am fond of Twix. I like the combination of the flavors, but I am bothered by their ad campaign as well. The put either “left” or “right” on each of their wrappers, which suggests that the two are different, when, in reality, they are not.

Now, the Kit-Kat. It is made of sugary wafers wrapped in chocolate, and it has no caramel. I like this one very much; it is crunchy, sweet, and a Halloween staple. Unlike some of these other candies, there is a specific way to eat Kit-Kats. You tear one of the long wafer pieces off and eat them one at a time, rather than biting into the whole bar like an animal! Ask most people on the street how they eat a Kit-Kat bar, and most people will say that they eat it the proper way. With those who say otherwise, you’ll start to notice that how they eat Kit-Kats is far from the least of their moral failings. Apart from that, Kit-Kat has been running their own misleading ads, where they claim to be the signature candy bar of “having a break.” This is, of course, outrageous, deplorable advertising.

Next are Reese’s, which is the only peanut-butter-based candy on this list, probably because it has monopolized that market. It is made of a peanut butter base wrapped in chocolate, and has many varieties: original (large), mini, and pieces (M&M sized). I personally enjoy them, and I am certainly not disappointed to receive them.

Next comes M&Ms, which are just milk chocolate wrapped in colorful coatings. They also come in many varieties: original (milk chocolate), peanut, peanut butter, and caramel. I really love M&Ms are a Halloween staple, and in fact fit for all other festive occasions.

Finally, there’s the Crunch bar, one of my all-time favorites. It is a milk chocolate candy bar with crisped rice. The rice gives it the eponymous crunch, and the milk chocolate is some of the best out there. I wish that this was more of a household name in terms of what the “complying neighbors” buy. I get very excited when I pull it out of my bag, because it is a very rare occurrence.

Those complying neighbors may also give out other, less compliant, things: dental floss, toothbrushes, or even mini-Bibles. These will do nothing but focus the hatred of neighborhood children on said house, and possibly even earn it the old TP treatment.

Even if some kids may have a peanut allergy, and cannot eat lots of candies. I still believe that everyone should go trick-or-treating as a child. It is a fundamental human experience that every child in America should get—and a lot of candy, of course.