It’s that time! Christmas time is here! The season of frozen hands, awkward conversation, and two glorious weeks off from school. A staple of this wonderful season is the movies! Classic works of cinema, so good you can watch them year after year.
I am a dedicated, yet opinionated, film viewer and I only watch a select few every year. Of those, I make sure to watch only the best. I have compiled my ranking of the very best, dry-aged, tenderized, slow-roasted Christmas movies that I simply cannot go a year without watching. I think it is worth noting, this list is subjective, entirely biased, and I express my opinion a lot with these rankings. [Ed. Note—just one time, we’d like to see one of these that was about someone else’s opinion.] I tell you why I like the movie, you understand why I like the movie, and you don’t get upset if your personal favorite was left out. Capisce? Good. And now, without further ado, I present the fifth best Christmas movie ever made . . .
#5: The Polar Express
I have a deep-rooted love for The Polar Express. At my elementary school’s Christmas party, we would watch a movie most years. Much to my then-disappointment, it was usually The Polar Express. After ten years of Christmas parties, The Polar Express‘ bell did not ring as loud as it once did, you know what I mean?
Now older, wiser, and more mature, I always wish to relive the nostalgia of this Christmas classic. Due to its excellent storytelling and all-around appropriateness, The Polar Express has become a staple of Christmas for young children around the world for more than twenty years. The story is told from the perspective of a boy named Chris, who struggles with his belief in Santa Claus. He ventures on a Christmas Eve ride on a magic train, called (check this out) the Polar Express, that takes him to the North Pole. While on the train, Chris meets an enthusiastic girl named Holly, a know-it-all named Lenny, and a younger shy boy named Billy. The newfound friends go on adventures throughout the train and the North Pole. Believe it or not, Tom Hanks played six different roles in this movie, showing off his versatility as a voice actor. Despite the troublesome animation of the eyes, The Polar Express’ ability to amuse all ages earns it the number five spot on my coveted list of best Christmas movies. If you think number five is good, just wait until you see number four . . .
#4: Elf
Elf is without a doubt a Christmas classic! The hilarious Will Ferrell plays Buddy, an enthusiastic overgrown elf moving to New York City to live with his biological father. Buddy was placed in an orphanage by his mother as a baby and crawled into Santa’s bag when he visited on Christmas Eve. Upon his arrival to the North Pole, the elves started raising him as their own. Despite some initial difficulties, he had a lot of success completing tasks the elves were too small to do themselves. After many years in the North Pole, he decides to journey to New York City to meet his father—even though that father, publishing executive Walter Hobbs (played by James Caan), didn’t even know he existed, and is raising a younger son of his own. I really enjoy the way Will Ferrell played Buddy; he did a very good job of making the viewer feel like Buddy was experiencing everything for the first time. He spent his entire life in the North Pole and never lived with other humans, let alone in metropolitan New York City, which explains Buddy’s childlike spirit in everything he did. Just two weeks ago, on Christmas Day during Spirit Week, you might have been shocked by the number of people wearing Buddy the Elf pajama pants, proving just how popular this movie is twenty years after its release.
Now, warning: number three is a hot take. Those who know this movie, love it; those who don’t are unaware of what they are missing. That’s right, number three is . . .
#3: The Muppet Christmas Carol
[Ed. Note—is the hot take that it’s not #1? Sorry, we try to only add one of these an article, but . . . honestly . . . ]
I don’t know what you imagine when you think of Disney. Probably mice and castles, or the downfall of Star Wars, or maybe an okay streaming app. But when you think of Disney, I doubt you think of the Muppets. Yes, the Muppets. You seriously thought some variation of A Christmas Carol wouldn’t make the list? So why wouldn’t it be the best version, hmm? I know the idea of puppets singing with Sir Michael Caine (better known as Alfred from the Nolan Batman movies), is hard to wrap your head around. Watch it, then come look me in the eye and tell me you didn’t enjoy it. I bet you can’t, because you can’t help enjoying the story of redemption: a journey we have been taught to value as part of a Jesuit education since we started at McQuaid. Seeing someone who has done wrong and changed their ways, combined with the heart and humor only the Muppets can provide, make it a Christmas classic.
Wait, did somebody say humor? The penultimate movie on this list is full of it, we’re so glad it’s . . .
#2: National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation
Unlike The Polar Express, Christmas Vacation is most certainly not shown at elementary school Christmas parties. In fact, during my first time watching it, which was December of my seventh-grade year, I didn’t even think it was appropriate for me, but I found it funny nonetheless. Clark W. Griswold Jr., played by Chevy Chase, is the last true family man living in suburban Chicago, trying to make Christmas the very best it can be for his family. Christmas Vacation is the third of too many National Lampoon movies, with equal amounts of inappropriate language, crude humor, and comical violence. Clark and his family struggle with hosting both sides of the family in an average-sized home, while creating a light display neighbors fear. Can Clark juggle technical difficulties, work problems, and surprise guests? You’ll have to find out yourself.
The time has come, the moment you’ve all been waiting for, the best Christmas movie ever made (drumroll, please) . . .
#1: Home Alone
Let’s face it, you knew this was going to be number one, because you can’t mess with perfection. Home Alone is the level all other Christmas movies can only dream of achieving. Macaulay Culkin reached the pinnacle of his acting career at age nine. Culkin plays the role of Kevin McAllister, a very troublesome eight-year-old accidentally left at home when his entire family goes to France. Kevin is home alone while two cat burglars, played by Joe Pesci and Daniel Stern and known as the Wet Bandits, attempt to break into his now-iconic house. Young McAllister is left to manage an intense standoff to defend his home from thieves, using all of the tools at his disposal to try and stop them. Kevin squares off with the crooks in some of the most memorable scenes in movie history.
Now, readers, I wish you a Merry Christmas, you filthy animals, and a Happy New Year too!