Nobody likes being told they did something wrong. Whether it’s a teacher marking your essay, someone telling you that you did something stupid (happens a lot for me), or a friend saying your idea wasn’t great, or maybe people just saying you should quit. Criticism can feel harsh. The reality is, criticism isn’t spooky. It’s just someone pointing out a flaw in you that your ego blinds you from seeing. Once you understand that, you stop taking it personally and start using it to improve.
When someone gives you criticism, it’s easy to think they don’t like you or that you failed. But that’s not what’s happening. It’s just feedback. And the purpose of feedback is to improve you as a person. But you can only improve as a person if you acknowledge that you suck at something.
The problem is that most people take criticism personally. When that happens, you stop hearing what’s actually being said. You focus on how it makes you feel instead of what you can learn. It’s normal to get defensive, but you’ll never hear the lesson hidden inside it. A good metaphor for taking things personally is plugging your ears when someone’s telling you the winning lottery numbers.
Here’s the thing: criticism only happens when you’re doing something. If nobody ever criticizes you, that means you’re not putting anything out there. People can’t judge what doesn’t exist. Everyone who is great has been criticized in some way. The reason why they are so great is that they took the feedback and used it to be better. So when someone criticizes you for something, it’s not them calling you permanently bad. It’s them calling you bad, but they believe that something good can come from it.
Turning criticism into growth starts with how you react. The first step is to listen fully. Don’t argue, just listen. The second step is to discern reality from your interpretation of their message. Sometimes people don’t say things perfectly, but there’s still something useful in their message.
Then focus on the part that can help you: ASK QUESTIONS!!!! This is especially true if you don’t understand the feedback. Saying, “Can you show me what you mean?” makes things so much easier. Then, apply what you’ve learned. Take one small thing from the feedback and test it out. That’s where real improvement happens.
And finally, once you’ve learned from it, let it go. There’s no need to replay the moment in your head. You got the message—move forward. The way I go about this is by listening to what others say about me, writing it down in a journal-–and planning what to do next.
In a previous article, we talked about how creating things—writing, building, speaking, drawing—helps people grow. When you create, you learn more about yourself and your abilities. But creating also means sharing, and sharing opens you up to feedback. That’s part of the process. The more you create, the more feedback you’ll get—and the more opportunities you’ll have to grow.
People often think confidence comes from being praised all the time. It doesn’t. Real confidence comes from being criticized, learning from it, and realizing you’re still goated. You stop fearing what other people think about you, because you know they can build you. When someone says, “That could’ve been better,” and you respond with, “Okay, I will do this to be better,” you’ve shown that you listened to them carefully, and plan on doing something different. Criticism stops feeling like a threat and starts becoming a tool.
Criticism isn’t the enemy; it’s a map. It shows you where to go next. When you stop taking it personally, you start using it wisely. Every time someone gives you feedback, they’re handing you a clue about how to get better. It’s not about being perfect; it’s about being willing to keep improving. Growth happens when you stay open, even when it’s uncomfortable. Maps are only useful if you know how to look at them. And now you know that the way you should interpret this map is by taking the time to understand what it is saying, forgetting your bias and interpretations of the map, and just looking at it like you are a fresh canvas ready to be painted. In simple terms, let things happen, for the next steps are up to you.
Simply, when someone calls you out: Listen. Find the part that’s useful. Use it to change yourself if you deem it valid criticism. Don’t let pride or fear get in the way. Don’t be afraid to try something and potentially be stupid. Everybody is better than you at something, so you can learn from everybody.