It’s a bright, cool Saturday morning in the summer of 2024, in Rochester, New York. While most people are also awake, but only just barely (the coffee hasn’t finished brewing yet), hundreds of men across the city are preparing for a fun time outside with the guys. They live in houses that suit their and their respective families’ needs. Their children are perfectly content with their abode and are grateful for their parents trying their hardest to provide. Their clocks say 7:30 AM, right on time to stop their alarms as soon as they start ringing. They put on their favorite collared shirts, their golf shoes, and a nice hat. After driving 10 minutes with their favorite music playing on the radio, they arrive at one of their favorite places on the planet. What place might that be? A golf course.
Recently, this newspaper published an article that criticized golf on a number of levels. As a fan of the sport, I felt that I had to take it upon myself to correct this grievous misdeed. [Ed. Note—in case you’re worried that the Shield is in the business of publishing counterpieces to its own articles, the writer of the original article gave permission.]
Immediately, the article makes a strange point: spectators remain silent when a player is about to swing. First, it’s necessary to describe the technical precision required in order to reach the upper echelons of golfers. Even the slightest flinch can, and often does, derail the ball’s intended trajectory, and constant jeering from the crowd can often cause this. Second, it’s not like spectators are quiet all the time. As soon as the ball is struck, those watching erupt in cheers and get-in-the-holes. It’s also notable to mention that trash talking is almost never seen at golf tournaments, as it’s highly frowned upon. In most formats, golfers don’t directly play against each other one-on-one; thus, it doesn’t make sense to harbor any ill will toward a certain player that may come out in the form of heckling. Golf spectating functions much like high-school sports spectating (or at least what our school’s administration wants sports spectating to be): you don’t cheer against someone, you cheer for your own team, or player, in this case. There are also no real rivalries in golf, both because there aren’t many one-on-one matches to get angry about, and because most golfers are friends with each other. At some point, almost every PGA golfer has been in a group with hundreds of other PGA golfers, and playing golf with someone for six hours straight is a pretty surefire way to develop a friendship.
The second reason also points to a distinct lack of experience watching golf, whether in person or on TV. On TV, there is no issue about seeing activity, as the channel switches from players who just swung to players who are about to swing, or just did swing off-camera. In person, this issue is even less present. Most of the time, people set up a chair at a specific hole rather than just following one group. This means that people watch golfers play one after another with little time in between, but just enough time to run to get water or a snack.
The third reason isn’t even a reason why the sport is bad, it’s more just a minor complaint. Yes, golf can cost a lot, but most purchases end up being one-time for the average person. Once you reach adulthood, you won’t have to worry about outgrowing your clubs. You’d be surprised to see how many loose balls people miss, which basically removes the need to purchase balls. Most people won’t ever need a second bag, and if they have one, it’s more likely a Christmas gift than a voluntary and elective purchase. You don’t need to buy a golf cart, as the course almost always has some available for you to borrow. Yes, you have to pay to play on public courses for each round, but private courses are in general much better and function like a subscription service that comes with much more than just access to the course. If you don’t want to walk with your bag on your shoulders, practically every course on the planet will have pull carts for you to borrow free of charge, and some have push carts as well.
The fourth reason reveals a fundamental misunderstanding of the game of golf itself. Above all else, golf is a game of patience. You need patience to develop skill, patience to understand that you’re almost always making at least one mistake, and patience to keep playing after a severe screw-up. Yes, no one likes being in a line waiting for someone to hit at the golf course. However, that is ultimately the fault of either an extremely slow group holding everyone up (who usually allows faster groups to pass by them) or the fault of you, for not understanding that the course will be packed at 3:00 PM on a 75-degree Saturday. Even if you get backed up, it provides an opportunity for either witty banter or rehydration.
The final reason sounds like it comes from a failed golfer that started to hate the sport after not being able to master it. The idea that luck has a dominant role in determining the ending position of the golf ball is genuinely laughable. Yes, wind is a factor. However, you aren’t playing remotely from your basement; you’re also on the course, and therefore easily able to notice the wind or lack thereof. It is an acquired skill to interpret the direction and strength of wind in order to play around it and factor it into your swing.
Golf is genuinely one of the best sports in the world. It’s played all over and can be enjoyed by almost all ages, so long as you don’t have a short fuse. Yes, golf, more than any other sport, requires patience. But is that even really a bad thing? I think not. This quality defines golf more than almost anything, and it makes the feeling of finally succeeding feel even better.